Happy New Year Everybody!

January 1st marks the start of a new year, the start of a fresh beginning, the dawning of a new era. This is something that we all need after this dumpster fire of a year. When the going got tough, as a society we banded together to overcome this historical situation. While the response was not perfect, we have made great strides in the way we handle world crisis, and who’s to say what perfect even is. All we can do is continue to grow and learn from our collective experiences. And for that we can be proud, and look to the future with renewed hope.

With the new year comes new hope. Hope to never give up, no matter what the odds are because you never know where you will be one year from now. Hope for a brighter future for all. The goal is never to hope for perfection, but simply to work on the here and now.

That has never held more true for me then through my own recovery journey. Never once did I hope, strive or even yearn for pre-injury perfection. After all what is perfection? What I did yearn for and work towards was re-achieving my lifestyle. Most of the professional clinicians, my lawyers, therapists and case managers expected me to break down as if this was the end of the world… after all at the time I was metaphorically shackled to a hospital bed and could only see shadows. What they didn’t realize, and what I had to explain to them was that I have seen strong amazing individuals persevere through so much worse despite the odds. So who was I to complain?

Complaining doesn’t get you anywhere, but persevering does.

If they could be strong and brave, so could I. So even though I was told that I was never going to be able to see again, walk perfectly again, have full use of my dominant hand again, I never let that stop me from achieving my life goals.

It was never about seeing perfectly… It was simply about being able to live my life. For me that includes wearing makeup, dressing up to the nines, reading, writing, cooking and baking. And of course shopping until I drop!!! I have seen firsthand from inspiring amazing people around me not to let any diagnosis limit what I am capable of doing. You simply have to make your situation work for you. There is even a master chef winner who is completely blind. She did not let her diagnosis limit her from achieving her life goals. Don’t let anything stop you or hold you back.

For me my goals were significantly smaller and lifestyle dependent. I had smaller more tangible goals that grew as I progressed. Something as simple as practising my eyeliner and mascara every single day even if I was going to physiotherapy. Sometimes that meant looking like a band member from Kiss with mascara running down my face, but that was OK since I was re-learning how to put on my own makeup without poking my eye out. And as someone who had lost some of their proprioception, this was no easy feat. Relearning how to walk in heels, how to cook, how to bake, all of these things were lifestyle goals, and in the process I ended up even farther than where I thought I would be.

It was never the goal to see perfectly again, and to walk perfectly again but by working on my lifestyle goals I regained so much more of my vision, and I was able to walk one year before anyone said I could, and in heels no less.

It wasn’t perfect, it isn’t perfect but what even is perfect? We truly don’t know what the new year will bring, but what we do know is that we can make the best out of any situation, and with the cards that life has given us. Who knows what 2021 will bring but we as a society will keep strong and keep moving on, and isn’t that what life is all about?

Happy New Year everybody!

'Tis The Season

‘Tis the season to be jolly, to twinkle and shine, and to light up the night sky. ‘Tis the season to shine bright like a beautiful kaleidoscope, filled with brilliant colours, bountiful joy and twinkling lights. ‘Tis the season to find joy where we can, and celebrate in a safe, socially distant manner. And isn’t this what the season is all about? Making the best of the cards you are dealt in life, and making the most of every situation. ‘Tis the season after all.

I was reminded of this very concept when we drove to Niagara to take in the beautiful lights of this joyous season set against the backdrop of a natural wonder of the world. Instead it brought me back to another wonder. Walking in the slushy, snowy streets with the wind spitting in my face, glasses fogging due to the mask, vision obscured, not being able to even make out the person in front of me. It instantly brought me back to being in the hospital, and not even being able to make out a giant letter E on an 8 by 11 piece of paper. It brought me back to a time when I was told I was never going to be able to see again. Clearly that wasn’t the case for me as I have gained much of my vision back. It isn’t perfect but it is constantly improving. Which isn’t to say that the specialist was wrong, there is so much that we still don’t know about the human brain, it’s plasticity, it’s strength, it’s complexity, and resilience. But it is to say that no matter what your diagnosis is, you should never stop trying or striving to improve, and to make the best of the situation that you find yourself in. Also, every brain is so unique, and can respond so differently to the exact same injury. I was lucky enough that my optic nerves and brain stem were intact, my brain prior to my accident was healthy, strong and I already had developed decent coping skills.

I am not sure if this is why I healed so well, or if it is because I never once, not for a second gave up, or stopped putting in effort, or if I was just stupid lucky, or quite frankly all of the above.

Either way, this season brings me back to my own little wonder 5 years ago, just re-reminding myself that no matter what happens there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. And I know this year has been really hard for all of us but we can embrace what this season has to offer, and try to bring light and joy back into our lives.

After all, there’s always a rainbow after a storm, and isn’t that what this season is all about? Celebrating the joys and wonder that life has to offer, even when times, quite frankly suck.

Happy Holidays.

You do you boo

Beauty and happiness need to be found from within. This is an old adage that has been taught to us for generations. Whether that is the Beauty and the Beast teaching us “not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found from within”, or the Ugly Duckling teaching us to not judge someone based on if they look different and that those very differences are what make them special.

So why have we forgotten this very important life lesson? We seem to constantly need to remind ourselves in this age of plastic surgery and photo shop, that we are beautiful just the way we are.

We are beautiful scars and all. Our differences define us, they make us beautiful, they make us special, they help us stand out. Don’t hide from your scars, showcase them, because they tell a beautiful story of strength, courage, and resilience.

Someone once told me that the extensive long scars that I have as a result of the car accident, mark the spots where an angel left their mark, saving my life. I may not be the most religious, but the amazingly sweet sentiment has definitely stuck with me. Honestly I couldn’t agree more, my scars are a part of who I am and I have never shied away from having them on display, whether that is in the form of crop tops, skirts, or even bikinis.

Unashamedly, unequivocally comfortable in my own skin. Don’t let anybody dull your shine, and often times if they try to it’s because they themselves are not comfortable in their own skin. This became all too real, when an ex-best friend didn’t want me in her wedding pictures, because she felt that my scars made me “ugly” even though the bridesmaid dress covered all of my scars.

This was honestly more of a reflection on her own issues with body image and self-love, than it was a reflection on my appearance. She has a skin condition that has left her body covered in leopard spots. She wouldn’t leave her house unless she was covered head- to-toe. She was simply projecting her insecurities onto me. Clearly that is neither fair nor valid, and instead of being angry with her I feel pity, that she wasn’t able to find beauty within herself, so she attempted to tear me down, to make herself feel better. Clearly she didn’t succeed, and you shouldn’t let anyone’s opinion affect you either. Short skirts and crop tops are still my uniform, scars be damned, kick up your heels and fly.

My scars are the physical embodiment of my strength and journey, they are a beautiful part of me, so why hide them? Countless people have suggested plastic surgery, but why? My scars don’t take away my beauty, they add to it. Even the moon has marks/spots making it even more beautiful. Don’t let anyone dull your shine, instead lend your light to bring others up.

I have been told by countless individuals, that seeing me wear skirts and be comfortable in my body has inspired them to maybe one day show their scars/differences as well. Honestly isn’t that what it is all about? Loving yourself, and letting your inner beauty shine through. Forget all of the haters, and in this vapid artificial world celebrate real inner beauty. Wear what you want, live how you want, after all it’s summer baby. You do you boo.