Brain Injury Awareness Month

My name is Dhara Joshi and I have a brain injury, but I am also a daughter, a fur mama, a sister and a supportive friend. My name is Dhara Joshi and I am a contributing member of society having worked for various not-for-profit organizations including the Canadian Cancer Society, the Canadian National Institute for the Blind, and the Heart and Stroke Foundation. My name is Dhara Joshi and my injury does not define me. I am so much more than that, I am so much more than a diagnosis.

One catastrophic life event does not define me. It does not dictate my life, it is simply a part of me. Just as my scars don’t define me, they are simply battle scars that tell the story of how I got hit by a truck and lived to tell the tale. My scars, and the resulting titanium filled legs make me the coolest aunt in town…even cooler than iron man since my ass does not rust.

All jokes aside, we shouldn’t let a diagnosis define us, because does it really matter? We are all just human beings at the end of the day. Everyone has their own hardships, trials, and tribulations. Whether that is depression, anxiety, domestic violence, losing a job, or failing a test, whatever it may be, the list goes on and on. Any particular diagnosis or life event shouldn’t define us, we are so much more than that.

We have so much to offer. Everyone should be treated with kindness and compassion because you simply don’t know what someone has been through. Without stigma, or judgement, or any requirement of explanation we should be patient with one another, since we really don’t know someone’s life story.

Instead of telling me I need glasses because I took a few seconds too long to sign a receipt, we should practise patience. The cashier really had no idea that I have a brain injury which has manifested in vision loss. All she saw was a slow customer holding up her line. She didn’t see the brain injury, or even my very visible glasses for that matter, no she simply saw a way to relieve some of her work frustrations onto a “slow” customer. How is that fair? We all go through things, we all have our own unique stories, and we should all be kind to one another. I simply smiled at her and pointed out that I was already wearing glasses. She really didn’t stop to think, there could have been countless reasons as to why I took a couple of extra seconds, from a bad day, to a migraine, or a vision impairment. It really doesn’t matter what the reason is and sometimes the need for patience is even more transparent then an invisible brain injury.

Sometimes it is as transparent as a giant brace encasing my entire leg from ankle to thigh. The crotchety older man I encountered on the staircase clearly didn’t think so as he proceeded to yell at me for being too slow and hogging the handrail. He either didn’t see the leg brace or just didn’t care, and honestly it really doesn’t matter why I was slow. I don’t feel the need to justify myself or apologize for being “slow.” It really doesn’t matter if I have a visible or invisible injury. I could be in a wheelchair, I could be deaf, blind, or I could simply have had a bad day.

Either way, it really doesn’t matter. There is no way of knowing what someone’s life story is, unless you spend a day in their shoes, so we should all treat each other with kindness, compassion and humanity.

I can honestly say that these instances don’t affect me and the way I choose to live my life, whether it is the fact that I still to this day prefer to use the staircase over an elevator or escalator, and still unashamedly take my time when signing receipts or papers. However, I strongly believe that we as a society need to be kinder and more patient with one another, because I do know that if someone else had been in my shoes, these comments may have discouraged them from living their most authentic life. How is that fair? Why should anyone’s opinion impact the way someone chooses to express their autonomy and independence? What really matters to me is my own growth, independence and recovery, whether that means that I take a few seconds longer to use the stairs instead of opting for the elevator, then so be it. If me wanting to do that for myself is a problem for somebody else, then so be it.

We should all just be more patient and understanding. That doesn’t mean I want special treatment. Hell no. All I want is for people to treat each other the way they themselves would want to be treated, with some humanity, and patience. It’s as simple as that.

Social Distancing

It has been two months of social distancing, Two months without seeing friends and extended family, Two months without exploring my favourite stomping grounds in the city, Two months of watching the news outlining the raising mortality rates, Two long-ass months of reassuring everyone around me that united we shall be okay.

Well the fact of the matter is that we really don’t know, and today for the first time in two months I felt melancholy. For the first time in two months I felt restricted, caged and suffocated. And that is perfectly alright, it’s good to acknowledge all of our feelings, and know that we are allowed to feel the way we feel, and that not every day can be rainbows and sunshine. Yet at the same time I am painfully aware of my privilege and good fortune. I am no longer shackled to a hospital bed, while others are now fighting for their lives. The same ventilators that once kept me alive are now quite literally breathing life into others. Painfully aware that me missing socialization is not important in the grand scheme of things. Never the less it doesn’t make

the feelings any less real or any less valid.

My melancholy mood was fleeting, and in all honesty has already passed. Over the course of this month I have attempted to keep my sanity by establishing a new normal with new purpose. Simply taking joy in the little things. Essentially doing things that bring me joy. This is obviously different for each person, for me it constitutes getting ready each day as if I have somewhere to go. Clothes and makeup give me immense joy. Fake it till you make it. Look good, feel good certainly holds true for me. That got me through living in a hospital for six months, and it is getting me through this.

I have new goals I want to accomplish and achieve, giving me new purpose for each day, whether that is attempting to become a better baker, and master the ultimate cookie and pie recipe, or even starting my own blog. Purpose is so important, it is what got me through my stint in the hospital.

But as we go through different phases of our lives, and as life’s circumstances change and continuously evolve, so does our purpose.

The need for human contact is also engrained in the human psyche and I certainly yearn for it. In the hospital this need was satiated with a constant stream of visitors. Obviously this is not possible now, so we must turn to the use of technology to keep human contact, and the use of Skype, Zoom and FaceTime has certainly come to my rescue.

I am also lucky enough to have a wonderful little puppy and she is the amount of energy that 10 people give rolled into one adorable little 8lb dog. She and my amazing family are the sole reasons that I have been able to stay sane and positive throughout this time. It has definitely been two long months, and there might be many more months just like this to come, yet I know that we as humans are adaptive and we shall adjust to this new phase of life with new purpose and renewed ways of staying in contact.

Hope

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,

Couldn’t put humpty back together again”

Well guess what???... it’s not the 18th century anymore and modern medicine has come a long way… and I’m definitely proof of that. Poor humpty dumpty never stood a chance, but thankfully we now have hope.

Hope is something that is a precious commodity these days, with all of the global unrest that we are currently experiencing as a result of the recent COVID-19 outbreak. I for one am deeply grateful to be alive. It is really all thanks to our absolutely amazing health care system. It is really thanks to all the queen’s doctors and all the queen’s nurses that were able to put me back together again. It is really all thanks to the amazing health care providers that I am standing here today. I owe them my life, and for that I am eternally grateful.

As this pandemic sweeps the nation all I can do is remember how quite literally the jaws of life were used to pry me from a decimated car crash, barely clinging on to life I was rushed to the nearest hospital. Even when they weren’t able to stop the bleeding they never gave up hope… they never stopped trying… without a thought of conserving supplies, and saving manpower, I was rushed to a more equipped hospital. Even the paramedics who transported me didn’t think that I would make the trip.

I am grateful that they were wrong, and of course that they kept me alive. They never gave up on me. Even though they said I only had 10 percent odds to live, they never gave up on me so how can we give up on them? There is always hope. During this trying time of social unrest we should ban together, never lose hope and support the amazing health care workers. These times may be trying, but this too shall pass. We simply need to support each other instead of succumbing to the fear mongering, and hoarding mentality.

Of course, having an un-tangible enemy seems frightening, but we must refrain from lapsing into xenophobia. Instead of letting this virus divide and conquer and letting fear reign supreme, we need to come together and all do our part to support our amazing health care providers.

No act is too small, whether it is something as simple as social distancing, spreading positivity or even being on the front lines, we can all make a difference. No matter how daunting this pandemic may seem, no matter how steep this fight may be together we will conquer and come out on the other side. After all it’s not the 18th century anymore. Now we have HOPE